The Heart Echo Man

I hadn't talked to or met anyone new in many, many, many weeks.  I hadn't even logged into my online dating profile in just as long.  Then I did.  Deleted scores of unread messages - but this one stood out.  Something about him caught my eye, (could have been the long dark curly hair).  We started chatting....like non stop for a couple days.  Then he shows up at my work (he gave me advance warning) with his daughter to do some shopping and I felt my heart do a flip flop or two.  Within seconds of seeing his face, his smile, his eyes, his voice, and they the way he was with his daughter, I was completely smitten.  A few hours later, he and I met for dinner after I got out of work.  My immediate liking of him took me completely off guard....normally I'm more...unsure...hesitant.  But no, not with him.  The all around attraction was there.  The flitter flutter.  The admiration.  He seemed to be a good father, a good person...and looking at him I felt like I had maybe known him before, or was supposed to know him now.  Something or maybe everything about him felt right!!!!!

We chatted every day for a week, moved off from chatting on the dating site to texting each other directly, then we had a date.  He picked me up, he opened every door for me, he paid for the cover charge and food and drinks.  We laughed and smiled and talked.  I saw a twinkle in his eye, I thought, when he looked at me.  We flirted.  When he dropped me off at my house at the end of the night...said we had fun and wanted to see each other again, we went in for the hug...and he kissed me on the cheek...I pulled back and looked at him, then the real kiss came, then another....  I couldn't sleep that night....I was "squeeeing" with glee for hours.  It's been years since I've felt that.

Three days later (yes after being in touch via text often), he texts me that he's met someone else that he clicks with, and wants to date only her.

 I feel completely gutted.  I can't even go into what happened between a friend and I last night that makes this even more difficult.

I don't think I'm cut out for handling things like this.  I like to think that I'm strong....and I am, usually, but not when I think I've met someone very special, and get cut down so quickly and unexpectedly.  He said he was sorry, and that he liked me, and hoped I would find someone.

So there goes the Heart Echo Man.

I think it's time to give up for a while, again.

Three Nice Guys in Two Days...life ain't so bad

Three Nice Guys in Two Days.....The Skydiver, The CQD Boy, and the Kilt-Wearing EMT....One guy I might see again soon, one I will not be able to see for months, and one I will never see again unless by chance.

Friday night I was so upset about something that I was too sick to my stomach to eat.  So I reached out to the "Skydiver", whom I haven't seen in weeks, but have kept in touch with.  He called me and we talked for a good hour and a half.  I told him I really just need a friend...and he laughs and says "Sure! I can be your friend.  I can also come with benefits if you want......".  Hahah.  Ugh.  I told him that would probably be a bad idea, and he responded that he thinks he'll be able to change my mind.....ok.....we'll see what happens with that....

Last night I finally had the chance to go out with my favorite Cute Quiet Dancing boy ("boy" does = grown man).  We had an excellent Indian dinner and cocktail, and he continued to be the wonderfully shy person that he is.  I absolutely loved the chance of getting to know him better over dinner.  Every new thing I learn about him makes him even more endearing.  We continued on to meet up with another friend to go out dancing at our favorite club.  And he had no idea throughout the evening, that at any time he would have been welcome to scoop me up in his arms, hold me tight and kiss me like my life depended on it.  Perhaps he'll see this, then he will know.  Because I am too shy to tell him!

At one point at the club, I was standing by myself, possibly looking a little sad.  An attractive man wearing a kilt and speaking with a rather complicated accent approached and said "Hello!  How are you?"  When I shrugged my shoulders, he said, "How about I buy you a beer and you tell me all about it".  And we did!  We sat and talked clinked our beers.  I told him some of my woes, he told me some of his, and through our conversation he had me laughing and very much enjoying his company.  His accent was a combination of Boston Irish, southern twang, Australian, and was spoken in the manner of a well educated Brit.  His "day job"?  "Grouchy EMT".  A performance started, and we walked towards the stage, he put his arm around me and stood VERY close behind me.  Which was actually ok...but just a little uncomfortable, since I had just met him, and...uh....ever have a man in a kilt press up close to you?  After our beer, he said, "Go have fun dancing with your friends, and best of luck!".  He gave me a really great hug and a smile, and he left.

I guess life ain't so bad.

Out Walking With a Young Gentleman

Last night I was out with a nice young man. (The Chemistry Student)

When walking back to my car with me, he says "So, I don't know the proper etiquette when out courting a woman and walking down a city a street." He switches to walking on the other side of me.  "Do I walk on the side between you and the road? In the case of a horse and carriage careening out of control I would be able to push you to safety and take the hit? Or do I walk between you and the buildings so that the chamber pots being emptied from above splash onto my head and not yours?"

I laughed and told him, "Ah, don't forget that if you are walking between me and the buildings, you would be able to protect me from anyone lurking in the shadows of the doorways and alleys".

"Ah yes!" He says, he laughs. "I would be able to push you away from him..."
"Sending me into the street.."
"And I would get stabbed to death ..."
"While I am run over by a horse..."
(Laughter ensued)
"Dating can be Complicated, can't it"

The things he could have said

The things he could have said

First of all, he could have said “Hi, how are you doing?  I know you said you wanted some space, but I wanted to let you know I was thinking of you”.

Instead, he said, “Went on my first date Friday. After much  deliberation, I  decided to share that, although it was nice, I couldn't shake the feeling that I wish it was you. Crazy as that might be”

When I got back to him, telling him that I’ve been miserable, and why on earth would he send this message to me?  How was he trying to make me feel?  Because it upset me! 

After that, he could have said, “I’m sorry, I should never have sent that to you.  I didn’t realize how that would make you feel.  And I’m sorry things haven’t been going well for you”.  But he didn’t. Nope.  While he did say, kind of, that the message wasn’t intended to hurt me….he didn’t seem very sorry, not at all.

I asked him more than once to explain his reasoning in contacting me in such a way.  He said, “We have nothing more to say to each other”. (In his language meaning he didn’t want to talk about it).  He could have tried to say something nice.

I told him I wished he had tried to reach out to me in a different way.  He said, “I’ll never bother you again”.  (In his language meaning I’ll never hear from him ever again).  He could have said he’d try to more sensitive of my feelings.

Oh, the things he could have said, but didn’t.

And so it begins again.....

So I find myself single again, after two years.  I won't go into the details of it, as it's too sore of a subject.
Being me, and being brave, I am back on the dating website and looking for someone closer to home.  I am in absolutely NO hurry to find someone right away, yet I will not sit around doing nothing.
I had my first "coffee" date earlier tonight with someone I had been chatting with on the dating site.  Sure, it seems a bit soon, and I feel a bit too complicated right now, but why wait?  He seemed interesting, looked wonderfully geeky cute.
And he is, "wonderfully geeky cute". He seemed a bit shy and scared, yet brave and friendly and nice.  He seems very interesting, we had some things to talk about, we had some awkward smiles at each other.  We tried to find out if we had any friends in common, as we once lived in the same town.  We jabbered each others ears off for an hour and a half over our iced teas, and made tentative plans to get together again next weekend.
If nothing else, I will have made a new friend, hopefully.
And that is a start.
He is the "Sky Diver", because he likes to jump out of planes.  And he is awfully cute....